It’s been awhile since last I wrote here. As of lately I have been pursuing film production. Last year around June/July of 2013 I had a strong desire to create again. Sometimes this feeling leads me to knit. Sometimes it leads me to write, one time it lead me to make an iPad game. This time I wanted to make something more. So I started off on a year long journey to learn film production.
I went on Facebook. I joined a bunch of local film groups and started looking into events and crew/casting calls. I happen to come across a production that I was invited to help produce. Since then I went on to produce in some capacity over 20 different film projects in the local central Florida area.
There have been numerous late nights, early mornings, phone calls, crew calls, casting calls, and script readings. It’s been an extremely educational year. That being said, it’s now August and I’m trying to wrap up my season finale of a show I started. As well as assist on a 48 Hour film challenge. Then get ready for producing my first feature film. Not to mention get the kids ready for school and wrapping up our summer.
For the last four weeks, it’s been harder than normal for me. I’ve been trying to wrack my brain as to what the problem is and it’s been keeping me up for weeks now.
Last night another sleepless bout set in so I started trying to trouble shoot what could be wrong. I have hypothesis after hypothesis. But one thing seems to make my numb heart stir. Something that I evidently take for granted in more ways than one.
I started to evaluate my lifestyle choices. I eat what I want, I drink coffee first thing in the morning, I drink beer at night and indulge in other less than favorable habits. That being said. I think its time I stopped for awhile.
I believe my soul is “full” of yes and it now craves some “no”. I need to participate in some delayed gratification. In order to do that, it takes mindful living, standards and choices that add up to a healthy goal. A goal I have yet to honestly set for myself in quite some time.
So here I am writing today on a blog I have scarcely visited in quite some time. Here I’ll ponder what my life really needs right now.
I need to make healthier choices for food. I eat whatever I want if I eat at all and that’s not great as a dietary consideration. So, last night I decided I would at least eat some nuts or yogurt or even toast with my coffee. I typically only have two cups of coffee.
At lunch if I have lunch it’s usually some fatty fast food burger, a fat drenched high protein luxury item if I eat at all. I’ve decided instead I’ll make a sandwich or a small snack of something much less saturated.
At dinner I always make meat and a starch. Yes, that’s right, I usually forget a vegetable. That’s not good for anyone so I’m going to try making the veggie portion of dinner the priority when planning. Something that I have been needing to do for quite some time.
Now for lifestyle. I stay up late and I get little sleep. That needs to stop as well. At night after we get the kids to bed, that’s usually when my husband and I watch something together. I call this “our time”. But really its just staying up late and watching movies. This needs to change somehow so I can be in bed and winding down before 11pm. I don’t think I’ve ever done this my whole life and I am about to be 41.
Not sure how I will approach this major shift in sleep habits or night habits but it needs to happen I can feel it. I’ve tried having reading material by my bedside. So far it hasn’t worked, but I’m still hopeful.
One thing I am considering doing is having a playlist of new TedTalks that I can watch in bed before I got to sleep. That may be what I try next. If I can get to be by 10pm and make a playlist of no more than 4 talks I could get to bed by 11pm. Which I would get up at 7pm giving me a possible 8 long luxurious hours of sleep. Let’s hope this works.
Maybe I’ll start writing every night. I could perhaps write about the various talks I’ve watched. If I made it a blog and tried to make a goal of watching every TedTalk there is, this herculean feat may help me to create a healthy habit I could shape my life around. If I did that I’d have to start at 9pm. Giving me an hour to watch some talks and then an hour to reflect on what I’ve seen. Getting me to bed at the desired 11pm.
This sounds like a good idea simply because I have my writing area in the master bedroom area, complete with Kuerig and writing desk. I swore that if I got this beautiful house and I did, that I would write every day. I have fallen short of my promise by a large margin.
In doing this I would be making good on my own promise, as well as having something to show for it in the end.
I hate being disconnected to my heart and yet that is exactly what it feels like to me. It frightens me and I cannot go on feeling this way. I’d do anything to make it go away and have the heart I had before. Right now it just feels like a dull thud in my chest.
I recently signed up for a class on Coursera. It’s called Leading with Emotional Intelligence. It was recommended to me by Coursera judging by the classes I have taken with them before. It starts on August 18th and the class is free.
I know I need a change. I need a healthy change so I’m also going to start walking every morning after I take the kids to school. Who knows maybe I’ll add exercising too. But I cannot keep taking my youth and my genetic lottery for granted. I only hope that this is the answer I need. But I would be in remiss if I didn’t mention I also need one more thing.
I need to go to church. One thing about film production is it happens on the weekends when you’re starting out. The rest of your crew and cast have day jobs during the week. So that leaves all film production to happen on the weekends which means that Saturdays are always loaded. This means on Sundays if I’m not required to be on set that I am sleeping in. It’s not beneficial for church life.
I miss my church life. I miss praying, I miss everything about it. It’s been too long and now I must return. I cannot stay away any longer. Church is a gift I give myself. I haven’t been giving myself anything as of late. That needs to change. So along with the above changes I am making church a priority in all our lives.
As far a film production goes. I’m not sure what I’ll be doing next. Maybe I’ll just help with Unit Production Management. Maybe I’ll just help with casting, I’ve been very successful with that. But whatever I choose it has to be secondary to what my soul needs. I am ineffective without my heart. I use it to see and hear and understand all those I come in contact with and right now I can’t do any of that like I used too. That is simply unacceptable.